Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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