You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
