More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
