I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
