I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We need a shit load of segways right now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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