we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
