the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
