why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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