Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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