FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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