Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
