it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
