im gay
i know
yea but for you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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