Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
