Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
