Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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