I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize