I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
