bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
