it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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