I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
