is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
