if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
