we have officially lost it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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