Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
