we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
