you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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