sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
