if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize