I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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