You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
