I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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