I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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