I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
