somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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