You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize