I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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