But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
