But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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