proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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