Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
