i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize