Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
