im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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