whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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