My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
