I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
