my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
