if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize