My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
