I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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