Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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