It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize