There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
