non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
