Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
