if i can run in heels then i can drive
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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