Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
