forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
