Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
