Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
