remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
