Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
