Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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