I just pynch a tree in the face
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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