Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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