whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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