I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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