I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
