I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
