he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
